Good evening,

I commend you for being here tonight, during our candlelight ceremony, showing support for suicide prevention and remembrance of those we have lost. We are survivors. My story includes several attempts, attempts being mine, and more than one suicide, one suicide being my sister.

However, tonight, I’m here to talk about me and you. Those of us who have survived a suicide, our hope, and prevention.

There are no words to describe the pain of a suicide or how to survive. I wish I could give you a handbook, nicely describing how to navigate through this loss and its grief. I wish I could tell you it is easy.

Those who know me will tell you I am direct and do not sugar coat things. This pain stinks and not many will understand. People make ignorant, painful comments. Sometimes you can’t imagine your life continuing. There are exhausting days and sometimes your brain is in a fog.

Then one day, the fog lifts a little bit more or doesn’t seem as dreary. The exhausting days don’t occur as often. Those with painful comments either learn how to respond or their opinions no longer matter. We build a community around us of people who may not be in our circumstances and are still able to understand. Those are the ones to share your story. These are the moments of hope. You know your life moves through the pain. You speak to others who have experienced the pain and you unknowingly give them hope.

You also have the community of survivors. Seek out those you know who have also lost someone. Although I may not know you, am not you, and do not understand your specific pain, I sit with you. I honor you and your loss. Attending Survivors of Suicide loss groups provides hope as others tell their story and I find hope when I facilitate.

One of the most important things for feeling hope is taking care of you. Surrounding yourself with loved ones and things that make you happy, bring you a sliver of joy. Sit with your feelings, regardless of how ugly they may be. We don’t want to leave the kid in the corner, without friends, so please, do not leave your feelings in a corner, collecting dust.

As I walked through my grief, I found hope in others’ stories, sharing my story, and advocating for mental health. I have found a place in the community.

I found hope amongst those who come forward in telling me that they too have survived a suicide loss or attempt. For those who attempt, I sit with them as well. Hear their stories and share mine, as a survivor of loss and attempt.

We need to break the mental health and suicide stigmas. I enjoy breaking stigmas and challenge ideas; my parents can attest to that. However, I found it surprising how I took on this stigma when my sister passed away. In the beginning of my sister’s suicide, I could not say the words “suicide” or “died”. I would tell people she passed away. Now, as I found hope and break these stigmas, I use the word suicide and I purposely make myself uncomfortable. Saying the world removes its power and empowers me, us.

Suicide is a world issue. Today’s World Suicide Prevention is Creating Hope through Action. One of the best action steps we can do to prevent suicide is to open the conversation, have the hard conversation. Ask someone how they truly are and how you can support. Acknowledge their pain. Promote conversations about mental health.

We are the prevention.

When you are ready, I encourage you to share your story, speak your loved one’s name, and help break the stigma of suicide and mental health. Invite others to tell their story. We’re in a special position because we know what it is like to experience the other side of a suicide, the grieving side. We may be able to offer words of encouragement to those who grieve and those who struggle with their mental health. We can tell someone that we care and will sit with them, and we can wait for the pain to pass with them, instead of telling them to get over it. We know what it is like to be told “get over it.” In sitting with someone, we let them know they are not alone, as we are not alone in our grief. Don’t be afraid to hug someone as you’ll find you need it more than they do. Help them find meaning, purpose, and hope, as you have had to practice. We can find hope together, with those who experience suicidal thoughts. Our hope becomes their hope. Their hope becomes our hope.

As a friend told me, prevention and hope are one and the same. They coexist and are a part of healing. The truth is hard and it is good. As we talk about our journeys, let’s allow the hard truth to come out with the good truth. In doing so, we heal and then others heal. It is part of the human experience.

When we light our candles tonight, please think of our loved ones and those who struggle to live.

As Glennon Doyle has created a mantra, “We can do hard things.”

Thank you.